I wrote this post last week when I was in the middle of a panic attack and I’ve been unsure whether or not to publish it but I figure that sharing might help.....
I’m been suffering from major panic attacks for just over a year now. I have no idea what causes them and nothing specific seems to bring them on. It isn’t something that I’ve talked about with many people because I have been trying to deal with them in my own way. Recently they’ve been much better but all day today I’ve been having them in waves.
It is the most horrible experience ever. First of all I get a bit shaky and then I start getting chest pains. Then comes the absolute conviction that I’m having a heart attack and about to die. Sometimes my neck goes numb and I struggle to keep it together. My shoulders will then start hurting and before I know it all I can concentrate on is how much everything hurts. Even as I’m typing this I feel that these might be the last words I ever type. I realise that it sounds dramatic and ridiculous and tomorrow when I wake up I’ll think myself stupid but it’s how I feel now.
When all the feelings are going on and I’m struggling to get through it, is when my brain kicks in with even more drama. Thoughts start to surface about how Chick will cope when I die, what my Mum will think when she has to clean my messy house, how my funeral will be, who will take care of Chick.
Normally when I get into a real state the only thing that works for me is sleep. Failing that I Google the symptoms for panic attacks and read everything that I can to try and talk my brain into realising that this is what’s going on. I’ve spoken to the Doc about it and she said to go back if it gets any worse and she’ll prescribe something for me but I don’t really want to go down the route of taking drugs to control them.
I don’t want this to continue as it is beginning to affect Chick. I don’t want to be asleep on the couch when we have time at home together, I want us to have fun together and for her to live a normal childhood.
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Now, over a week later I feel a little bit more in control and although I haven’t made it back to the Doc I have made some changes. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink for over a week as this seems to make them worse. I’ve also started running again which may not sound like a big deal but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten how much I love it. Running (although I don’t do it very fast) seems to clear my head and the panic attacks have calmed down a little. Fingers crossed that this will be an end to it and I’ll continue to control them.
Do any of you guys suffer from panic attacks? How do you deal with them? Is there a trick that worked for you? Did you get some help from the Doctor? All comments and ideas gratefully received.
